Ups and Downs

Some days are a roller coaster ride of emotions.

Take yesterday. So many heartwarming things happened ... mostly small little things but together they seem to sustain me when homesickness visits once again or culture shock sets in. You'd think, after three years here, culture shock wouldn't pay a visit anymore, but it does. Surprisingly, I'm sometimes shocked by the behavior of visiting Westerners more than Moroccans.

Among the positive experiences yesterday were the enthusiastic greetings and kisses from the neighborhood children I encountered on the street. There was the timely offer of a ride to the taxi stand as a colleague saw me walking down a dark street after school, closely followed by an unsavory looking character. At my favorite cafe, the chef inquired if I'd like some french fries added to my dinner order, as a little extra sustenance after a long day. And kind words and supportive strokes from other foreigners who told me I am beautiful and a look at my face always brightened their day. And my students who always respond so warmly to a single word of encouragement or a simple acknowledgement of their efforts.

On the flip side there were arguments. An argument with my husband and an argument with a guest. This is how I ended my day. In point of fact, I hate contentious confrontations but they seem to be totally acceptable here. Anger flares up and quickly subsides. I've got the flare up part down pat. It's the subsiding of the anger that I need to work on. I often feel like a tea kettle that's with boiling water inside that simply must be released to avoid an explosion of the kettle. I am the kettle and the anger is the boiling water. Like vaporized water my tears inevitably appear when things heat up and I am later filled with remorse for my inability to hold my temper.

But displays of temper are everywhere and I seem to have assimilated this behavior. Couldn't I have picked something else to emulate?

Ah well. Today is another day. Either I must learn to ride the rails with all the ensuing emotions or get out of the car altogether.