I miss my friends.
Two of the four friends expected last month made it to Fes, despite the air traffic mayhem following the volcanic eruption (the first one, that is). I was so lucky half the party made it and their visit was a needed tonic.
But then again, their visit highlighted something missing in my life ... good friends with whom I share some history. Ever since they left I have been full of wishes to return home to California. I struggle every day with my dissatisfaction about my life here and have to work hard to acknowledge the good things about my life in Morocco.
But there are, indeed, lots of pleasures that fill my day. Many of them are very small moments, but that doesn't mean they aren't full of meaning and good medicine.
The sticky kisses bestowed upon me by the neighborhood children and the ritual of greetings from each and every person I encounter as I walk through the streets let me know I am alive and acknowledged. And the offerings of a prayer on my behalf, the small treats from the shops that I frequent, and the invitations to tea remind me that Fes won't leave me alone. And for me, a person who can be rather reclusive and introspective, that's often a good thing for it forces me to interact and cross a cultural divide that is all too easy judge.
And then there are the big things that jar my sensibilities and continually knock me off balance. Like the recent debacle with the tourist police (who, by the way, refused to let my husband take my friend's niece through the medina the following week even though we registered her presence in our home with the police upon her arrival). And petty thievery from people I know, the unending absence of job opportunities for my husband, and, and, and.
And while I miss the comraderie of my longtime friends and I miss my country, I am willing to acknowledge that it's the new and the challenging experiences in life that afford me with the best opportunities for personal and spiritual growth.
But I can't help but wonder ... have I grown enough? Can I go home now?
2 comments:
Regardless of the outcome, I wish you peace along the way. Your posting sounds so sad, as though you carry the weight of these days heavily. Sending good wishes your way to help lighten the load.
Hi Evelyn,
i just spent a wonderful holiday in Fez and now back to boring Dubai where i am based.
Since i got back , I have been following blogs on Morocco and chanced upon on your blogs.
I do understand your sentiments and emotions as it also affect me here in Dubai. I could only wish you well and hope slowly everything will come into place.
Everyday, i always look for the positive things why I am here and somehow it make it easier to overlook the negative aspects.
Meanwhile keep writing the blog as it is also another outlet to release your angst, if i may say so.
Take care.
dennis from dubai
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