2009

This past year can be summarized as a year of perseverance, patience and personal growth. Although it was not a year of ease, it was a year of accomplishments, acceptance (sometimes resignation) and realizations.

Perseverance characterized my work on the house and my marriage. One has shown progress, the other – well, the other keeps presenting me with new opportunities for growth. Both aspects of my life have shared the feeling of a having set something in motion with a resulting need to see the events through to the next stage. I have always felt that the setting in motion was more never driven by me, but rather a force I agreed to go along with.

We all learn that patience is a virtue. Why do you think virtuous behavior is difficult to cultivate? Every day I practice patience … when I am teaching and must repeat my instructions (slowly and distinctly) 4 or 5 times because the students are chattering away with one another. Or repeat a lesson for the 20th time but attempt to teach it yet again with an enthusiasm that isn’t always easy to find. When I employ someone to work on the house I must wait twice the time for the promised completion date while being hounded and wheedled to meet the original payment schedule. And when I work so hard to understand that those brought up in this culture have many viewpoints and behaviors that differ from my own but that understanding of differing points of view and behaviors (or even the attempt to understand) is not often reciprocated. And when I long to be among my friends and family but cannot fulfill that wish because of financial and time constraints. Yes, patience has been hard to come by but I am getting better at practicing it. For practice I must because it doesn’t always seem to come naturally.

As for personal growth, well, that is something that always seems to be hard-won. I can say though, that this year I have been able to see the mistakes I’ve made with greater clarity and step outside myself a bit and witness unfolding events as part of a greater pattern. Likewise, I can view all the good that has happened is a result of cause and effect and certainly not a reward for my efforts, intentions, intelligence or skills. I can accept that I am flawed but always intending to do the right thing. I can accept that I am not in the driver’s seat and my effort to navigate from the ‘shotgun seat’ is just another illusion about being in charge of my destiny. I can also see that what is difficult and challenging today is often exactly the issue I need to deal with in order to prepare me for what is about to happen next. And the really big lesson I’ve learned is not to take matters so personally. That has been a huge leap into a more peaceful mindset.

So I welcome 2010 as I would welcome returning to a novel that has me enthralled. I know the basic plot, but the individual events and the twists and turns of the paths taken will hopefully keep me turning the pages.